David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
