You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
