Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
