you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Everyone says I win the strip club
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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