The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
