there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm too high and old for this...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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