My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
