You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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