I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
