quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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