i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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