I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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