I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
