Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think I won the penis lottery.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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