so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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