Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
