Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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