my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
YAS. BRING CRAB.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
