This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
