they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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