that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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