Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
