You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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