Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
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Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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