I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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