that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
