I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
