i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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