Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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