We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
