I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize