fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
