Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
