I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
