her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
