So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
