Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
