i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
