She's JV to your varsity
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sobbing to NWA
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