Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
