I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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