I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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