There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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