woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Barsexuality is the new black.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
