Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
