im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its not stalking. its research.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
