My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just want nice things and good sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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