Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
