I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
