normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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