super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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