I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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