see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
