You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
