you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Everything about him screamed your future.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
