There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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