Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
