so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
