I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
