She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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