and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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