then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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