Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's blow job season.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
