Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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