he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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