Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
