if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
