My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
