dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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