but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
