I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
