do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
