how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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