If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
