You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
