I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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