I wish life had little blips of pornography
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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