I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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