Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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