I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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