so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
